Sunday, 15 November 2009

  • How to: Dating a Vampire 101...



    Every so often a new scream-worthy dude comes swaggering into the spotlight, driving tween girls and adult women crazy.

    For awhile, "The Heartthrob of the Moment" had been Disney's barely-legal teenyboppers like Zac Efron who could get ladies like me into a lot of trouble.  Then there were the geeky nerds such as Michael Cera who stole the hearts of girls everywhere - one awkward, yet totally endearing quip at a time.  But those heartthrobs are of the past because there's a new type of guy in town that every girl wants to date.

    The vampire.

    Vampires have quickly risen (from the grave!) to become a hot commodity among the female population.  We're no longer dealing with Nosferatu look-alikes anymore.  Nowadays, vampires are of the good-looking and mysterious variety with a moral conscience.  So if you're tired of dealing with issues that come accompanied with dating human boys, as long as you don't mind that your feature beau is undead and possibly older than your great-great-grandpa, dating a vampire might be a promising idea.  Have no idea where to start?  Well, read on!

    How to Date a Vampire

    Types of Vampire-Men



    The first thing to note is that not all vampires are created equal, shiny or glittery.  The following are a few examples of Vampire-Men you may encounter:
     
    The Aristocrat - rich, spoiled and elitist.  Trapped in the Victorian Era. Perfect as a date to a costume party.

    The Rebel - May or may not still sport a dated 80s mullet.  Enjoys wreaking havoc and riding motorcycles.  May "accidentally" bite your neck while um.. playing cards.  Perfect as a date to an underground club.

    The Reformed Bad Boy - Used to be TheBigBad until his soul got restored.  Now he just pops out of nowhere when you're in dire need.  Enjoys brooding around.  Not one for conversation.  Perfect as your date to your high school prom.

    The High School Kid - Looks 17, but in reality is a 104-years-old - so don't worry, technically he's not jailbait.  Likes to stare a lot and watch you while you sleep.  Says creepy things to girls.  Perfect as - seriously? This guy?

    Where to Find Your Very Own Vampire-Man
    Graveyards
    Blood banks
    High schools in Phoenix, Arizona
    On the Internet

    Ideal Dates with Your Vampire-Man
    Fighting werewolves or other supernatural creatures
    Chilling in his mausoleum
    Climbing trees in the forest

    Things to Avoid Doing Around Your Vampire-Man
    Carry around sharp wooden objects
    Wear religious jewellery
    Eat garlic
    Suggest he visit an orthodontist

    What to Expect While Dating Your Vampire-Man
    Just like with any relationship, dating a vampire is full of compromise.  You will have to give up engaging in activities during the day and he will have to try to resist draining away your blood.  There's also the issue of immortality.  Although his appearance will remain forever youthful, you might want to begin stocking up on anti-aging creams now unless you want to be mistaken for his mother in the future.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

  • What? You've never seen a girl eat before?...




    Tonight, while in line at Harvey's...

    Guy in business casual attire who looks to be either late 20s-early 30s:  Hi.

    Me:  ... Hi? 

    Guy:  I think i saw you exiting the library behind me.

    Me:  ... Oh, really?

    Guy:  Yeah

    Me:  Haha...

    Harvey's Employee:  Miss, what would you like on your Bacon Double Cheeseburger?

    Guy:  Wow... you can finish that?

    Me: ........................................



    I swear something like this has happened before.

Tuesday, 03 November 2009

  • Potential Lessons to be Learned from Watching Paranormal Activity...




    So two weekends ago, i dragged Future Dr. Awesome to see Paranormal Activity with me.  Okay, so i didn't actually drag him along.  Although, i'm 86% certain that if given another movie option, he would have taken it.  But since Future Dr. Awesome lives up to his awesomeness, he complied to my insistence to see this movie.  It's a good thing that he did too because although there were no 3am nightmares to deal with post-movie, i might have caused a slight loss of sensation in his right arm from clenching it too tightly.

    Anyway, this post has nothing to do with how scary the movie was (or for some, was not).  Instead, i wanted to bring up this idea of "dating disclosure" - a subject that was briefly broached during the movie.

    For those of you who have yet to see this movie, it's basically about this girl who has been tormented by a demon since she was a kid.  It went dormant for awhile, but now that she's moving in with her boyfriend, the demon seems to be back with a vengeance.  So here's the kicker:  despite being fully aware that there has been some supernatural force following her around for years, she fails to disclose this information to her boyfriend of three years and only fesses up once things start to go bump in the night.

    Um, shouldn't this be more frightening than a demon spawn?  The failure to disclose information while in a relationship?  Especially, if you're involved in a long-term relationship?  Honestly, if it's not the demon that ends up destroying them, then it's definitely going to be future trust issues and a shitload of couple counselling bills. 

    So what's the deal with disclosing personal information that you may be reluctant to disclose while dating?  Obviously, if the girl told her boyfriend on their first date that she was being terrorized by a demon, there probably wouldn't be a movie.  But it's definitely unfair for her to withhold this information from him for so long. 

    In this case, especially unfair for the boyfriend.


    What do you guys think?  At what point in time should you disclose certain sensitive information to the one you're dating before something drastic happens like being terrorized by a demon?